


Every Night

by FagurFiskur



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M, Prayer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:52:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3209870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FagurFiskur/pseuds/FagurFiskur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean prays to Castiel more often than he thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Night

**Author's Note:**

> just a small sort-of coda for 10x10

Dean still prays.

He doesn't seem to be aware that he's doing it. With his brothers dead and the apocalypse averted, he is intent on living the normal life he always wanted. Away from hunting, from heaven and its battles. Away from Castiel.

But occasionally, Castiel can feel him call out. He wants to come running, but he knows he shouldn't. Dean doesn't truly need him. He needs his family, and the peace and quiet his new life provides.

/

Castiel listens to Dean's prayers and He is pleased, but the urge to come running is no longer there.

His love is infinite, His loyalty infallible, but Dean has not yet earned them. When he speaks to Castiel, or of Him, his words are angry and disrespectful. Only in his prayers is he remorseful.

It is all right. Castiel is patient, He can wait.

/

Emmanuel feels emotions that aren't his own.

Longing. Loneliness. Despair. He has reason to feel these emotions, he supposes, with his memories missing and no family to speak of, but they aren't his. They feel foreign. Not distant, though he wishes they were, but like their source is elsewhere.

Sometimes he hears a voice, and he thinks it might belong to the same person as those emotions, but he isn't sure.

Months later, he meets a green-eyed stranger who wants him to help his brother. It all slides into place: those emotions, that voice, that face.

Then his memories return, and Emmanuel ceases to exist

/

Dean prays constantly. Out loud and silently, on purpose and not. Castiel cannot escape his it, any more than he can escape the monsters that hunt him in this place.

A part of him is glad for it. In purgatory Castiel is cut off from the host, and the only voice he can hear is Dean's. He can't imagine what it will be like once Dean stops praying to him. Once he realizes that it is a lost cause, that Castiel cannot be redeemed.

Of course, that realization never comes. Dean is nothing if not stubborn.

/

 _I need you_ , Dean says.

Castiel believes him. There is a constant foreign longing in his chest that confirmed Dean's words long before he spoke them.

Hearing Dean say those words out loud should change something, but it doesn't. It can't.

/

If Dean still prays, Castiel can no longer hear him.

/

It's easier for Castiel to stay away when he hears Dean pray, now that he can no longer fly. That isn't to say that it's _easy_ , not by any stretch of the imagination. If he could afford to put his own wants first (if he were selfish enough), Castiel would never leave Dean's side.

But they've each got their own battles to fight.

/

Dean's prayers sound desperate and for the first time, he prays for himself. He prays for his salvation, for his soul. Not with words, and not on purpose (Dean has never considered himself worthy of salvation, even though he craves it), but he prays.

Castiel wants to justify this endless faith Dean seems to have in him, but he isn't sure that he can.

/

Dean still prays.

He whispers his prayers against Castiel's lips, into his skin. He spells them out with his fingers, digging into the flesh of Castiel's hips, leaves their imprints in tiny crescent shapes. He prays with his voice, and his body, and his soul, not out of despair and loneliness, but love and contentment.

And Castiel soaks them in and revels in them. He is no longer an angel, but he has never felt holier.


End file.
